The Dachshund and The Rat
by Missy Tea
Summary: Spratt...Denker...a bottle of whiskey. What could possibly go wrong?


**There is no explanation for this. I am deeply worried about what goes on in my head that I can come up with this. So let me just say that I in no way ship these two. I'm Chelsie through and through (and after the xmas special Fellows is my favorite person in the world). It just sorta struck me when she was drinking after the carols and has been in my mind ever since. **

"Thank you Denker" Lady Grantham said in her usual clipped tone as her ladies maid slid the last pin into her elaborate hairstyle. Recognizing her dismissal Gladys Denker stepped back and picked up her mistresses day dress and folded it over her arm

"Will her Ladyship be spending the night at the big house?" Gladys asked, bending to pick up a pair of shoes that needed polishing

"No I don't think so. Although, with that awful Larry Grey coming for dinner again anything might happen." Lady Grantham replied, twisting in her chair to watch Denker "I mean why on earth has Robert allowed him back into the house after his behavior? Especially after Isobel just having got married again."

"Perhaps his Lordship wanted to smooth things over with him, now that Mrs Craw- I mean Clarkson is no longer in his fathers life" Gladys suggested. Lady Grantham smirked slightly at her slip up before frowning into the looking glass and saying

"There is no possible way to smooth over that mans behavior. However, I digress. I should be home before the clock strikes midnight."

"Very good Milady." Denker said, bowing her head "shall I ask Mr Spratt to bring the car round?"

"If you would be so kind, and if you think you can manage it without throttiling one another."

"I'll do my best Milady" Gladys said as she stepped out the door, closing it before Lady Grantham could reply. Lady Grantham shook her head and reached for her cane.

"Those two will be the death of me." She sighed.

Gladys carefully made her way down the stairs, trying not to trip over the dress she was carrying. Unfortunately the lighting was dim on the servants staircase, thanks to the fact that her Ladyship refused to have electricity installed into her servants wing of the house. She peered down the murky stair case, and wobbled slightly as she took her next step. Swearing under her breath she grabbed onto the bannister for balance

"I hope you don't use that kind of language in front of her Ladyship" Mr Spratt said, stepping out of the shadows in the silent (or sneaky as she called it) way that he had. She ignored his comment and continued on her way down

"Her Ladyship is ready for the car" she called over her shoulder as she vanished into the laundry. He smirked at her straight posture and made his way to the front door.

"Mrs Robertson has taken the evening off and so has May." He informed her from the door of the boot room. She put her brush down and looked up at him in horror.

"You mean I'm stuck here all evening alone with you?" She asked him. He smirked and nodded causing her to roll her eyes

"Heaven help me" she muttered

"Come now Miss Denker, I'm sure we can survive one evening together." He admonished

"I would need copious amounts of alcohol if I'm to survive any period of time with you" she sneered in reply.

"Good thing her Ladyship gave me this then" Spratt smirked holding up a bottle of very fine whiskey. Her eyes widened in surprise

"Heavens, the oh so perfect Mr Spratt stealing his employers booze?"

"I did not steal it" he hissed, turning a peculiar shade of purple "someone sent it to her and as you know she doesn't particularly care for it."

"And how do I know that this isn't some twisted little plan of yours to get me sacked?" Gladys asked, raising an eyebrow in his direction

"You don't" he answered "but it is up to you whether you get drunk or not."

"You've been speaking to that Barrow." She accused him "I'll not fall for your tricks."

"Oh for goodness sake." Spratt huffed "I'm trying to be nice to you because her Ladyship is tired of our bickering and this is how you react?"

"Oh very well then" she sighed, stalking past him and grabbing the bottle from his hand "but I'm only doing this for her Ladyship"

A couple of hours later she was slumped in a chair next to his desk gurgling happily

"Jack Spratt could eat no fat"

"You are like a dachshund" he observed with a slight slur "once you get a hold of the rat you don't let go."

Gladys shrieked with laugher a spilled a drop of whiskey on his floor. Thankfully he didn't seem to notice

"Spratt! Spratt! Spratt the rat!" She cried happily "couldn't catch a bat! Because he was fat!"

"I am not." Spratt protested in a highly affronted tone "and that makes absolutely no sense."

"No no, of course you're not" Gladys said, glancing at him from under hooded eyelids. "In fact you're rather dashing"

Spratt's face lit up

"Do you think so?" He asked happily, attempting to straighten his tie. She wasn't exactly sure what made her do it but she stood up rather unsteadily and made her way round to his side of the desk.

"I do" she assured him and perched on his knee, wrapping an arm round his shoulder to steady herself

"Miss Denker?" Spratt asked uncomfortably "what on earth do you think you're doing?"

Gladys carefully removed his glass and set it on the edge of the table "Miss Denker?"

Before he could ask again she was kissing him. Or he was kissing her. She wasn't entirely too sure. But they were definitely kissing and too her astonishment he was rather good at it

"Spratt" she sighed into his mouth. He pulled back slightly

"My name is Norman." He told her, nuzzling her neck

"Norman?" She repeated with a giggle and he nodded before capturing her lips with his again, erasing the thought from her mind

"What on earth do you two think you're doing?" A voice came from the doorway "Spratt I asked you to be polite, not to ravish her over your desk." The two of them separated in a hurry to find Lady Grantham standing there with a look of horror etched upon her face.

"Your Ladyship" Mr Spratt breathed, turning that particular shade of purple again "I didn't mean-"

"Yes" Lady Grantham said eyeing the nearly empty bottle on the table "I can see that. Well, at least I know why the door wasn't opened."

"I am terribly sorry your Ladyship" Spratt said, hurrying towards her and unthinkingly taking her hand

"I'm sure I'll find it in me to forgive you" Lady Grantham said, gently removing her hand from his "now if you don't mind I will be off to bed. Denker, are you capable of assisting me?"

"Of course, Milady" she squeaked and hurried over

"Then I wish you good night Spratt" she said nodding and left the room humming with Miss Denker in tow.

Gladys Denker was cursing every drop of alcohol on earth while she made her way down to breakfast the next morning with a pounding headache when she met Mr Spratt at the bottom of the stairs

"Not a word" she growled at him and to her surprise he nodded

"Agreed"

**No, I still don't know where that came from. Its insanity. Please review though. It might ease my disturbed mind. Oh, for all the Chelsie shippers out there: I have a fic I started before the xmas special and have continued with. Should I post it or not? Its quite slow and long. **


End file.
